Courting a Best Life

This was supposed to be my first post on Substack. Due to technical difficulties in the setup, it’s not happening. Yet. I decided to post here, rather than stress about it when my letter is already late. My own little bit of nonnamaxxing—in a weird way.

One evening at the dinner table, my mother recited to me and my sister information from her current book about Blue Zones: (allegedly) specific geographic regions where people live exceptionally long, healthy lives with high rates of centenarians.

Our mother, her eyes weak, listened to recorded books on a special player from the Washington Talking Book and Braille Library. She backed it up constantly  to catch every word her faded hearing missed.

“Why are you listening to it?” I asked.

“I want to know what I should be doing,” she said.

“You’re ninety-nine,” Rebecca said, “they should be studying you.”

Mama had some health issues, but none were caused by her lifestyle. 

Blue Zones

I looked up the nine traits studies believe to be factors in the so-called Blue Zones. They seem like good habits. Whether or not we aspire to live to one hundred.

Move Naturally: Staying active through gardening, walking, and physical chores rather than structured gym workouts.
Purpose: Maintaining a clear reason for waking up each morning.
Down Shift: Relieving daily stress through habits like prayer, naps, or social gatherings.
80% Rule: Stopping eating when 80% full to avoid overeating.
Plant Slant: Eating a diet rich in beans, lentils, and vegetables with limited meat consumption.
Wine at 5: Drinking alcohol moderately and socially, usually with friends or food.
Belong: Participating in a faith-based community or spiritual group.
Loved Ones First: Keeping aging parents and grandparents nearby or in the same household.
Right Tribe: Surrounding oneself with social circles that support healthy behaviors.

Over the decades, my mother had been doing most of them. With the exception of number six, she was a lifelong teetotaler.

“Should I pour you a glass of wine?” Rebecca asked. No response.

And about number eight: Having her mother nearby threatened to shorten my mother’s life; as I thought at the time, caring for mine would surely kill me. It’s interesting that the list doesn’t include keeping the younger generations close. My mother, sadly, did not have that, but grandchildren kept me sane during mother-care years. On the other hand, my return to her house may have extended her life—perhaps out of spite.

My personal favorites are non-gym activities, naps, and wine. (Full disclosure: My nightly wine is now weekly, but it’s still fun to talk about. And where is dark chocolate in this list?)

Fun finding, if you come, as I do, from a lineage of nonagenarians—or if you don’t:

“The Danish Twin Study established that only about 20% of how long the average person lives is dictated by genes, while about 80% is influenced by lifestyle and environment.” —Dan Buettner, Blue Zones founder

Nonnamaxxing

I recently read a Huffington Post article about “Nonnamaxxing,” a trend among olders of taking on the rhythms of Italian grandmothers and “giving it a fun name.” The slow-cooking part is not going to track with me, but I would like to embrace slow walks, simple living, less screen time.

“Blue Zone research consistently links this kind of lifestyle – unhurried, communal, physically active by default – to lower rates of chronic illness, sharper cognitive function in later life, and measurably greater well-being. The nonna, it turns out, has been running the optimal program for decades.” —Noël Wolf, linguist and cultural expert

The Huffpost article does point out pitfalls! Nonnamaxxing is not about looking perfect on Instagram—it’s about being in the moment. (You would not believe the heavy make-up I see on young—and not-that-young—women in my volunteer role at Mount Rainier, and the contorted posing for IG selfies. Ay-yi. Is that judgey?)

Even before I read that, I’ve been contemplating lifestyle decisions about my relationship to social media and to my own public writing. I’m more determined than ever to learn a new song. More about that another time.

And it’s more about the nonna than the maxxing.

“A real nonna isn’t optimizing anything, she’s just living. The minute you turn slowing down into one more thing to ‘win,’ you’re recreating the exact pressure you were trying to escape.” —Chloë Bean, licensed marriage and family therapist.

In other words, no pressure. Including from Substack. And self-imposed publication deadlines.

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These last days of summer—or, in the Pacific Northwest, the summer-is-finally-here days—I’m ready for October. Ready for the garden to have been put to bed; for outdoor projects to be left undone; for the wood rack to be filled, ready for the wood stove insert (which reminds me, I need to get the chimney cleaned) . . .

As I finish up this letter, in the still-dark morning, a barred owl is calling from the woods through the open window. And there were coyotes howling in the night. It is enough.

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I would love to hear from you! Do you think about making lifestyle changes? Or have you already? For health, for happiness, both? 

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